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Joke of the Day

"If I give my dog a toy that doesn't make an unbearably annoying noise she looks at me like I have no clue how to do anything right in life."

"I'm like a mouse. If u give a mouse a cookie hes gonna want some milk. If u gimme a beer im gonna want some nachos. Plus we both like cheese"

"How does a paralympian call home, after winning a medal? handsfree"

"I estimate 70% of my work conversations are just me quoting made up statistics."

"Mike Rowe Penis Women have told me I have a Mike Rowe penis. I guess it must be because they think it's pretty strong and does dirty jobs... but I think it's a little small myself."

"A guy walks into a bar ouch"

"Him: I love nerd girls Me: Cool! Did you know the human body can't feel water, only a change in temperature? Him: no. not like that."

"How to make microwave popcorn: 2 minutes 27 seconds-half bag popped. 2 minutes 29 seconds-MICROWAVE ON FIRE."

"The fastest way to get karma is... ...is to make someone think they are learning how to get karma"

"Nigger went to a shop Then he got aids and died"