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Joke of the Day

"What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals? He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed."

"What's the difference between Brazil and Oscar Pistorious? Oscar Pistorious has a better defence and more shots on Target"

"That's so nice of Activia to offer a money back guarantee. Am I supposed to send them pictures of myself not shitting?"

"A nurse takes a rectal thermometer out of her pocket... She sees it and says, ""Oh dammit, some asshole took my pen."""

"Where did the King keep his armies? Up his sleevies!"

"Did you hear the dress at the center of the color debate is actually a type of ""sex dress?"" It's just a fucking dress."

"I remember when my son fell asleep at a house party we had. I decided to shave his eyebrows off and draw a cock on his face. My wife went mental when she picked him up to change his nappy."

"I think my wife is cheating on me with an undertaker. I could swear she was wearing clothes when she died."

"Not a gardener per se.... but I've been known to use hoes occasionally."

"What's the difference beetwen public official and private employee? Private employee starts work checking email. Public official starts works making a coffee."