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Joke of the Day

"Pride is what you feel when your kids net $143 from a garage sale. Panic is what you feel when you realize your car is missing."

"Q: Why was King Tutenkhamen considered the best pharaoh in all of Egypt? A: Because he always showed up in cuneiform."

"You have to kiss a lot of short, black, flamboyant musicians before you can find your Prince."

"My girlfriend's brain is going 24/7... Like a 7/11, not anyways doing business but it's always open."

"Realized that I'm getting old. 20 years ago all of my friends were on drugs. Now they're all on medication..."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Anya ! Anya who ? Anya best behavior !"

"What do you call fake spaghetti? An im-pasta!"

"What is the origin of black jewish people? The oven."

"The best revenge is to kidnap your enemy, tie him up, then pop bubble wrap in front of him and make him watch."

"A Christian, a Muslim and a Jew walk into a bar... What a fine example of an integrated community. ^(Credit: Bernard Righton/John Thomson)"