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Joke of the Day

"KIM JONG-UN: I'm banning sarcasm ME: well that's just great K: what? M: I reeeally hate sarcasm K: seize him...I think"

"My best friend got cheated on by his deaf girlfriend... His girlfriend cheated on him with a deaf guy... To be fair, he should've seen the signs."

"Whenever I call my husband to wash the dishes, I am reminded what a great lover he is. He never comes quickly."

"Divorce. When being wrong every day for being alive isn't working for you."

"When a woman says, ""I'm NOT crazy"" *clapping her palms together per syllable* That's universal for, ""You're going to die."""

"Why didn't the cannibal eat Mike Tyson? He thought he would give him a paunch!"

"How many skateboarders does it take to change a lightbulb? One, but it will take him 50 tries to do it."

"What planet is so big the entire universe can fit in? Ur Anus."

"How do you tell the difference between the staff and the inmates at a psychiatric hospital? The patients get better and leave. Not everyone of the patients thinks he is God. The staff have the keys!"

"Did you know lesbians almost never cook for themselves? They prefer eating out."