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Joke of the Day

"Divorce. When being wrong every day for being alive isn't working for you."

"RIP Boiling water You'll be mist."

"How did the grave robber perish when he became trapped in a pyramid? He died of asphinxiation!"

"How do philosophers shave off their beards? Occam's razor"

"I just danced like no Juan was watching, but he totally was and he cut off the tequila then threw me out of his restaurant you guys."

"So it is my anniversary I couldn't think of what to get her... But I finally settled on a plunger, because bitches love bringing up old shit"

"I redid my fence yesterday. It needed to be reposted."

"What did you do for Mothers Day yesterday? Mothers Day is this upcoming Sunday."

"Good cop: Just relax Moody cop: OMG, you again? I hate you, but I kinda misssed you, why don't you call anymore? You're going to jail"

"If at first you don't succeed, fuck it. What's on TV?"