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Joke of the Day

"I once helped an elderly Japanese man cross the street. Afterwards he said, ""Sank you."" So I punched him in the face. He didn't have to bring up Pearl Harbor like that."

"Make like a programmer with good version control habits and git!"

"Why did the proctologist have his cars towed to the auto repair shop? He rectum."

"NEW YEAR'S LOGIC 1. The planet is passing through an arbitrary spot on its unceasing orbit around the sun. 2. Time to lay off chocolate."

"why thank you, sir! I was totally unaware of my big titties. How kind of you to risk your safety by yelling it out of the car window."

"I can't remember my memory ever being this good I think"

"The best way to respond when a girl asks you if she's fat is to fake a seizure."

"Q: What's red and looks like a bucket? A: A red bucket."

"What do you call a masturbating cow? beef stroganoff"

"If you're head of the CIA and can't hide an extramarital affair it means it can't be done. Case closed, fellas."