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Joke of the Day

"If you're head of the CIA and can't hide an extramarital affair it means it can't be done. Case closed, fellas."

"My doctor said my blood sodium level is apparently too high but I take everything with a grain of salt."

"Why is a doctor always calm? He got a lot of patients"

"Scientist next to me: My god. Reality is a simulation. Me (also a scientist): My god. I haven't fed my tamagotchi in 17 years."

"How do you pay a bartender? With bar tender."

"My wife says I should be a bull rider... Since I'm lucky to last 8 seconds..."

"GOD- ""I will send a plague that will kill all living things on earth"" *Fish slip the LORD a $20* ""On second thought how about a flood?"""

"Her: What's your biggest weakness? Me: My honesty. Her: I don't think that's a weakness. Me: I don't give a fcuk what you think."

"What does a mathematician do when he is constipated? He works it out with a pencil."

"There are 3 types of people in this world.. ..Those who can count, and those who can't."