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Joke of the Day

"[at subway] And just a little lettuce. *the guy starts backing a truck full of lettuce toward my sandwich & the truck is beeping* No wait."

"An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. But a tooth is worth half an eye, so an eye for two teeth also works, if you're out of eyes."

"What fruit had to have an announced wedding at home? Cantaloupe"

"I'm never wrong. One time, I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken..."

"Won a time machine on Ebay. Disappointed when I received a clock."

"Octopus 1:"" Woah. There's an arm just swimming by itself."" Octopus 2:"" that's an eel you idiot."""

"If my girlfriend and I were stoners, I would propose by asking ... ...""Marriage, you wanna?"""

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Caterpillar ! Caterpillar who ? Caterpillar a few mice for you !"

"What starts with a 'C', contains the letters U, N, and T, is hairy on the outside, and soft on the inside? A coconut!"

"I always thought my english grades were good But then in 6th grade, i learned the alphabet"