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Joke of the Day

"If my girlfriend and I were stoners, I would propose by asking ... ...""Marriage, you wanna?"""

"A 6'-6"" guy doesn't scare me, but my 5'-1"" wife does, if you were looking for inspiration to get married."

"I love babies... ...but I can't finish a whole one."

"[spelling bee finals] JUDGE: your word is ""asterisk"" KID: can you use it in a sentence? JUDGE: *adjusts mic* yes"

"What did Descartes say while shopping online? I think therefore I Amazon"

"How do you put an elephant in the refrigerator? Open the door. Put in the elephant. Close the door."

"Two blonds were driving to disneyland. The sign said: Disney left.. So they started crying and headed home."

"What is the difference between a prostitute with diarrhea and an epileptic corn husker? One shucks between fits.."

"How does trump like his eggs? Whites only"

"Why do handicapped people wear shoes? Because if they didn't their local gas station would turn a blind eye."