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Joke of the Day

"What did the policeman say to his stomach? ""You're under a vest!"""

"Dear Santa, Please send gift cards. Your taste has gotten significantly worse in recent years."

"Did you hear about the guy who was obsessed with building HOV lanes through mountains? Classic case of carpool tunnel syndrome"

"What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast? Synonym Toast Crunch If you said Synonym Life, please leave."

"50% of mariachi bands end in divorciachi."

"What do you call a place showcasing gay people in their natural environment? A queerium"

"What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? ""Bison"""

"I call bullshit on dogs being mans best friend. That little m'effer didn't lift a paw when I moved. Not him or all his little friends"

"At the touch of her lips, it grew long and swollen. I gasped as she squeezed and pulled. It was the best balloon giraffe I'd ever seen."

"I'll go to extreme lengths to get the last bit of toothpaste from the tube but I'll also watch 2 hrs of Nick Jr if I can't reach the remote."