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Joke of the Day
"Pro tip: If he pretends he can't hear you, talk some shit about his mother."
Next Joke
"You shouldn't be friends with a fence, because... ...They hold you back."
"[Date] (don't let her know you're an alien larva) Her: I wonder where he is? *I burst through her chest* Me: Did you order yet? I'm starved"
"Why won't A Flock of Seagulls perform in the Middle East? Iran so far away"
"What's black and eats pussy? Cervical cancer..."
"Lord, protect me from my friends, I can take care of my enemies."
"*knocks over the 17 Starbucks cups on her nightstand *answers her alarm clock, ""hello?"""
"what does Geico and your girlfriend have in common? Shes so easy a cave man could do her."
"""Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all the scabs that were on your arms?"" ""Shut up and eat your cornflakes."""
"Some fancy kids just egged my house with quail eggs. I went out to yell, and one of them garnished me with chives."