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Joke of the Day

"I often fantasize about lying naked in bed, surrounded by various bags of chips and I have octopus arms so I can eat all the chips at once."

"People who generalize... I would finish the joke, but redditors are smart enough to see where it's going."

"My 4 yr old asked if I was sick, I said ""Yes, please ask mommy to bring me the Sudafed""... My wife walks by me and says, ""Why do you want soup in bed?"""

"So, I walk in on daughter masturbating with a carrot. I shout, ""Fuck! Seriously? I was going to eat that later, and now it's just going to taste like carrots!"""

"A Cuban, a Canadian, and a white supremacist walk into a bar. The bartender says, ""Ah, Senator Cruz, what are you having?"""

"Woman at drive-thru just called me ""honey."" Headed home to tell my wife to take a god damn hike."

"My dentist said that bacon and soda works the same as toothpaste. Friends have said she prolly meant baking soda....but I disagree. "

"Who is the biggest gangster in the sea ? Al Caprawn !"

"Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths."

"What do you call a ghost that loves soccer? Ghoooooooooooooouuull!"