199977

Joke of the Day

"My 4 yr old asked if I was sick, I said ""Yes, please ask mommy to bring me the Sudafed""... My wife walks by me and says, ""Why do you want soup in bed?"""

"A girl posted on FB: ""Sum 1 Cum 2 ma house nd sav me frm boredom"" A guy replied: ""sending an English teacher immediately"""

"Me: Okay... Time for bed. Brain: Cool. Me: Brain: Me: Brain: If you had a pterodactyl, would you name him Terry... or Perry??"

"Gerald: ""Have you ever come across a man who at the slightest touch caused you to thrill and tremble in every fiber of your being?"" Mabel: ""Yes the dentist."""

"Why does Mexico always do so poorly in the olympics? Anyone who could run, swim or jump made it to the USA."

"Me: Why are you in such a bad mood? 5-year-old: I haven't had my coffee. Me: You've never had coffee. 5-year-old: Exactly."

"What did the banana say to the vibrator? ""What are you shakin' for? Shes gonna eat me."""

"Our team is doing so badly that ""Manager of the Month"" isn't an award. It's an appointment!"

"Guys love it when you rest your head on their shoulder at the movie theatre. Their girlfriends however... not so much."

"What do nosey peppers do? They get Jalapeno business!"