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Joke of the Day

"I wish Beyonce & Jay-Z would get on stage and present their baby to the world like Mufasa did in the Lion King."

"Why was Peter Pan a bad boxer? His punches Neverland."

"I lift the toilet seat to take a piss and my girlfriend forgot to flush and the water is red. My first thought.... ...do we have any juice boxes in the fridge?"

"Have you ever heard of Tupac? You probably haven't, he's pretty underground"

"Origami The World Origami Championships is today. Let's see how it unfolds."

"When my kids ask what a word means, I tell them to bring me a dictionary. Then I smack them with it, and tell them to Google that shit."

"Who is al-Quaeda's favorite football team? The New York Jets."

"In America Martin Luther King only gets one day.... And sharks get a whole week. It's probably because they are great whites."

"I must be getting old...my urine flow sounds like a drippy leak in an old abandoned factory"

"My wife does not like orgasms I have her one last night and then she just spit it right out!"