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Joke of the Day

"I've counted 8 people so far whose New Years resolutions include ""loose weight"". Can I add spelling to your list too?"

"What kind of snake is useful on your windscreen ? A viper !"

"My daughter said she wants to run away. We talked. She knows she can walk. I wont chase her."

"How often do scientists check the element table? Periodically..."

"Why do they say ""break a leg !"" to actors ? If you said ""tear an ACL !"" to a star athlete, you'd be shot on the spot."

"Telemarketer: Are you a homeowner? Me: How big are your lips? Telemarketer: .... Me: Your lips. Are they huge? *click*"

"A Silly Riddle! What is white looks like sand and found in the gusset your GF Knickers Clitty Litter!"

"What did Ray Charles say when they handed him a cheese grater? This is the most violent thing I've ever read."

"Why couldn't the pornstar join the navy? There was too much seamen."

"If you really want to stick it to somebody... Use tape."