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Joke of the Day

"Honestly, Officer, I wouldn't have pulled over had I known you were just going to criticize me"

"If con is opposite of pro .... then is Congress the opposite of progress?"

"What's the the key to telling an ISIS joke? The execution."

"I weighed myself today, then I ate the scale."

"Did you hear about the U2 benefit concert? It was pro bono."

"What do you call an Asian Terrorist group? Rice-is"

"If I was a ghost, I'd write ""Happy Birthday"" in blood on your wall for your birthday, cuz you may be cursed, but it's still your birthday."

"What Does Pink Floyd and Princess Diana Have in Common? Their biggest hit was the wall."

"[toddler saves Michael Cera from drowning]"

"i'm a homewrecker in the sense that i got sick out both ends in the attic and it soaked through the ceiling in 3 different rooms"