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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between snowmen and snowladies? Snowballs"

"Pizza delivery guy showed up. Gave me 3 pizzas, and had me sign the credit card receipt. I gave him a $500 tip. I didn't order any pizza."

"Did you hear what what Dr Dre is calling his new social media platform? Beats me."

"What's the spaciest kind of camel? Andromedary"

"M: Come to bed... Her: I have a headache M: You're a robot! H: M: H: ...SELF DESTRUCT [BOOM] M: Nice try but you're still under warranty!"

"I'm planning to open a Norwegian/Middle Eastern fast-food restaurant. It's called The Valhallah Snakbar."

"I spend more time on twitter than I do in church. I'd rather vent to imaginary friends on the Internet than to imaginary friends in the sky."

"Two cows walk in to a bar... Then one of the cows says: ""*Mooooo*"", then the other replies, ""*Fuck, I was supposed to say that*"""

"What did the Ukrainian say to the whiny American? Crimea River."

"Her: I think you're getting too into those Hobbit movies Me: *stops gluing a beard on the baby* what?"