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Joke of the Day

"I've always wanted a job cleaning mirrors... It's just something I can see myself doing."

"A baby whale asks his father, ""Dad, where did I come from?"" The father replies, ""Well, I put my semen into your mother's vagina, and then you were born!"" ""Thanks, dad."" ""You're whalecum."""

"My 3 year old just got me with this one... 3 yo: Can I please have a mystery? Me: What is that? 3 yo: I don't know, it's a mystery (laughs hysterically)"

"Me: Who will I share the sunset with now?! *sobs* Friend: Bad breakup? Me: No. *wipes tears* My Instagram isn't working."

"What did the Pink Panther say when he stepped on an ant? Dead-ant, dead-ant, dead-antdead-antdead-ant"

"A mexican and black person have a car race. They both end up going over a cliff and die. Who won the race? Society."

"Is there a difference between men and women? Yes, there is a vas deferens."

"What's worse than a pile of dead babies? One in the center eating its way out. What's worse than that? It goes back for seconds."

"I have two dance styles: Sober, dancing silly as a ""joke"" or drunk dancing with confidence, same exact moves."

"Q: What did the kangaroo say when her baby was missing? A: Help! My pocket's been picked!"