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Joke of the Day

"Me: Who will I share the sunset with now?! *sobs* Friend: Bad breakup? Me: No. *wipes tears* My Instagram isn't working."

"what do you call water that bounces? Spring water."

"The wife just said ""right, pack ur bags and go ya lazy bastard."" I said,""fuck off...you pack them."""

"DIET TIP: You are what you eat. Do you really want to be celery? C'mon. Not even celery wants to be celery."

"What's speed of sex? 68 because at 69 she needs to turn around."

"I once went to a zoo which had only one animal It was a Shih Tzu."

"What do you call a gushing keyboard? sqwerty"

"Why is Peter Pan ALWAYS flying? He neverlands. lol this joke never grows old."

"On this occasion of Chinese New Year I would like to ask all my Chinese friends. Of all the utensils that were invented to eat rice with... How the f**k did two sticks win?"

"The Detroit Lions have been given guns to subvert increasing violence in the area... ...local zookeepers fear the worst."