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Joke of the Day

"Your mouth makes the same movement's as your butt when you say the word ""poop"".... same with ""explosive diarrhea"""

"Is your penis Ant-man? Because whenever it's time to impress, it shrinks."

"What's the difference between a light bulb and my pregnant girlfriend? I can unscrew a lightbulb."

"tip of the day - dont swollow ur spit for like 20 minuts and then u will have a warm drink"

"An Irishman walks out of a bar.."

"I'm like the lemon seed that sinks to the bottom of your water glass and then shoots up your straw unexpectedly, trying to choke you."

"Whole foods? More like whole paycheck."

"Cows What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef What do you call a cow with no legs? ground beef What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Donald Trump"

"Don't panic if your parachute doesn't open! You have the rest of your life to fix it!"

"Well I finally solved my drinking problem, I joined Alcoholics Anonymous Yeah I still drink, I just use a different name, that's all (Courtesy of Rodney Dangerfield on The Johnny Carson Show)"