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Joke of the Day

"Well I finally solved my drinking problem, I joined Alcoholics Anonymous Yeah I still drink, I just use a different name, that's all (Courtesy of Rodney Dangerfield on The Johnny Carson Show)"

"[Knock knock] Who's there? Allah. Allah who? #***ALLAHU AKBAR*** [everything explodes]"

"Was invited into a group DM called procrastinators, it's been two weeks I'm still waiting to be added.... *my kind of people"

"How does a spider know if he just had sex with an actual female? She eats him alive afterward."

"What does a lonely Sean Connery building IKEA products say? I guess its jusht me, myshelf, and I tonight."

"Made a folder for my Japanese phone apps... I call them Japps."

"Yeah, you like getting choked don't you!? oops wrong sub..."

"What do you do if the Ocean stares at you? Sea it and Wave :3"

"Morning wood starts the best fire."

"Newsreader: Police are asking anyone with any information- Me: [shouting at TV] You lose 90% of your heat from your head"