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Joke of the Day

"Me: Hold still. All I need to do is wipe your nose. Toddler: *dodges the tissue like she's in the Matrix*"

"What is it that's red. Reddit."

"How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? None"

"Why would a needle even be in a haystack? Who sews in a barn?"

"What's black, blue, and hates sex? The five year old boy in my basement."

"Parallel lines have got so much in common. It's a shame they'll never meet."

"What would you call the Fantastic Four if Snoop Dogg joined the team? The High Five"

"It creeps me out when my dog watches my wife and I have sex. We hide the videotapes, but he always finds them."

"If humans can grow up to 8 feet... Why do I only ever see them with 2?"

"A female weight lifter went to the doctor ""Doc, I've been takin steroids for a few years now and as a side effect, I've grown a Penis"" ""Anabolic""? Asked the doctor. ""Nope just a Penis"" she replied."