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Joke of the Day

"I sing like an amputee I can't hold a note, can't carry a tune..."

"I like my coffee like I like my men... I don't like coffee. I'm very straight."

"Wife: Are you even listening to me? Me: Of course W: Oh yeah, what did I say? M: [smoke bomb] W: I can still see you M: [Another smoke bomb]"

"How did Jack know exactly where to find the goose in the giant's castle? He had *bean stalking* her."

"What is a East Indian child's favourite game? Hide and go Sikh"

"A huge gorgeous butterfly landed on my arm just now. Naturally I screamed and flailed my arms around frantically, but lovely really."

"Blonde girl changes her name She goes to the local court for it. Girl: I am tired of people calling me Pussy Galore. Judge: What do you want to change it to? Girl: Pussy McNamara."

"Wife: There's a spider in the kids' bedroom Me: I'll take care of it *raises spider like one of my own* *has a little cry when it graduates*"

"What does a Jew with an erection get when he walks into a wall? A broken nose."

"Drilling into American House Walls is like paying into German Welfare risky as fuck."