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Joke of the Day

"Wife: There's a spider in the kids' bedroom Me: I'll take care of it *raises spider like one of my own* *has a little cry when it graduates*"

"How is Hillary Clinton and a high class prostitute different? Rich people pay the prostitute to fuck them, they pay Hillary Clinton to fuck everyone else."

"Whats the difference between a retard and a woman? The retard doesn't need to be buggered to think he's special."

"Can anyone tell me.... If I posted the joke about Alzheimers? I can't remember if I did."

"What does a barista wear? A cap and chinos."

"Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it'd be a foot."

"How are pirates like pimps? They both have gold teeth and say ""yo ho!"""

"What do you call it when you're trying to find out what someone had for lunch? An ingestigation"

"What do you call a paedophile with no legs? A creepy crawly!"

"What lies at the bottom of the sea and twitches? A nervous wreck."