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Joke of the Day

"TIL that the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster has it's own version of the devil . . . You will know this fake Flying Spaghetti Monster by his name, for he is known as the Im-Pasta."

"My favorite Yoga Pose is the Upward Facing Couch Potato."

"My life would be so much easier if i wasn't intelligent enough to realize how fucking stupid some people are."

"Sometimes I like to sit at the playground & wait for a concerned Mother to ask ""Which kid is mine?"" I like to reply ""I haven't decided yet."""

"What do you call someone who draws funny pictures of motor vehicles ? A car-toonist !"

"Not a lot of people know this, but if you dress up like a pirate and go into Red Lobster, you eat for free."

"My girlfriend told me to give her 9 inches and make it hurt. [NSFW] So I fucked her 3 times and punched her in the nose"

"s/o to the first person who saw a horse and was like ""YO i wanna sit on that thing and make it take me places"""

"another from my sis when she was 5 What do you call a ice cube in the toilet? Poop cuber"

"What did the circus owner say to the human-cannonball when the he wanted to retire? How will I ever find another performer of your caliber? (Source: a dad on thanksgiving)"