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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend told me to give her 9 inches and make it hurt. [NSFW] So I fucked her 3 times and punched her in the nose"

"My wife is a sex object. I ask for sex, she objects."

"You know how they say your smile is your strongest weapon? Tell that to my friend who stood still smiling when a thief asked him for all his money"

"I used to think the brain was the most important organ... Then I thought, look what's telling me that"

"A good way to break up with a girl is to leave her a trail of rose petals starting from her front door to North Korea."

"I feel like we really lowered our expectations of what constitutes magic when we began using it to describe markers"

"Why was Joseph late to the meeting? He was Stalin."

"Why did the hippie stick his penis in the chick peas? Because he was a hummusexual..."

"Birds do it, bees do it. Even educated fleas do it. Let's do it, let's fly headfirst into a plate glass window."

"Michael Brown's family just wants their voices to be heard. They are tired of being shot down."