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Joke of the Day

"me on my first date: ""for me to continue this relationship you need to choose correctly"" [i pull a frog & a lizard out of my pocket]"

"""Look man, I swear to you, as god as my witness..."" [God appears from behind dumpster] ""I ain't coverin for u anymore Larry, you owe me $30"""

"2 snowmen in field, one Turns to the other and says ""can you smell carrot?"""

"What is the difference between a woman on her period and a terrorist? You can negotiate with terrorists"

"Why were Kay's pets scared of Kay? because... K8 K9"

"I heard it's impossible to ban Tank tops in the US... Something about the right to bare arms..."

"A little girl says to her mother, ""Mommy, I want to be a feminist when i grow up"" Her mother replies, ""Well pick one, Honey. You can't do both."""

"What type of lunch do you get at an air show? A plain one."

"Marriage advice for dummies: Five worst things you can do5 Abandon4 Lie3 Cheat2 Abuse1 Forget to start the dishwasher"

"Why were the baker's hands smelly? He kneaded a poo"