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Joke of the Day
"How did Jesus feel when they crucified him? He was cross."
Next Joke
"Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen that said 'Parking Fine'."
"They say that murder rates go down with more employment, so I bet if we gave everybody jobs murdering people, they'd be really bad at it."
"There was a pregnant woman.... She was in labor and the doctor said: 'It's labor day!'"
"How much does a Satanist weigh? A pentagram."
"What does a cab driver have in common with a pool cue ball? The harder you hit them, the more english you get out."
"My co-worker is so annoying... She's always showing me pictures of her daughter and always asking: ""Have you seen my baby?"" It's so annoying, come on, its been two years, they're never gonna find her."
"All of your inspirational tweets make me want to track you down and pee on something you love."
"Everyone in ""Star Wars"". Everyone in ""The Muppets"". Everyone in ""Game of Thrones"". This is now the first tweet with over 140 characters."
"[puts baby in highchair] Ohhh HIGH chair, I get it. That explains why all you do is eat, sleep & drool you stupid little stoner."