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Joke of the Day

"All of your inspirational tweets make me want to track you down and pee on something you love."

"hey, i'm joking; my sister was never a cutter... you know how hard it is to be a cutter with your hands full of football team?"

"What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta."

"Skrillex sounds like that time I threw a bag of beer bottles into an empty dumpster & a homeless dude yelled jibberish at me for waking him."

"Hello everyone, welcome back to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous... I gotta say I'm pretty disappointed because I'm seeing a lot of new faces here tonight..."

"Whats the Difference Between AWD & 4x4? Your sexuality."

"What will be served at Trump's inagural dinner? Crackers."

"Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days? Because then the children have to play inside."

"I'm always on the guest list at Club Sandwich."

"I got arrested for plugging my phone into my portable power pack I'm being charged with battery"