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Joke of the Day

"Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen that said 'Parking Fine'."

"Q: What do you get Devin Hester for Christmas?? A: Nothing - he'll just return it!"

"Netflix is red, Xanax is blue. Put them together for a fun afternoon."

"did you know that the bible doesn't actually contain any references to hell? or heaven? or christ?? it just a bunch of names & phone numbers"

"I might commit suicide at lunch today... ...and mix all of the soft drinks together!!!"

"I love every bone in your body, especially mine."

"Babe Ruth Walks Into a Bar Bartender says ""Why the Long Balls?"

"Son: ""Dad! I answered a question today in class that no-one else could answer!"" Dad: ""That's my boy! What was the question?"" Son: ""Who's farted"""

"Why is it unjust to blame taxi drivers for cheating us? We call them to take us in. (From The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Handbook of Conundrums, by Edith B. Ordway. So this is a century old joke.)"

"Every man has two heads... One holds the brain, and the other makes all the decisions."