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Joke of the Day
"Damn girl, are you Life Alert? cause you just called the cops."
Next Joke
"What do you call a dog that is also a magician? A Labracadabrador."
"[trapped under avalanche of Tupperware that fell on me from kitchen cabinet] *updates social media with selfie* Bring food, No weirdos."
"Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit."
"Turns out indoor stone throwing is a mistake no matter what your house is made of."
"I'm skipping the gym today because I already have a six pack... waiting for me in the fridge at home."
"While the worker was talking about computer parts he made my motherboard"
"Getting to the point now where we should just try to get the water out of the oil."
"I bought the mask Jigsaw wears in the movie 'SAW' just so that if a robber ever breaks into my house he'll know he made a fucking mistake."
"How many friend-zoned guys does it take to change a light bulb? None, they'll just compliment it and get pissed when it won't screw."