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Joke of the Day

"I bought the mask Jigsaw wears in the movie 'SAW' just so that if a robber ever breaks into my house he'll know he made a fucking mistake."

"Have you ever wondered what would happen... if a virgin rooster layed a fertilized egg at the top of an infinite staircase?"

"My wife said if I took one more picture of her she'd leave me. That's when I snapped."

"Me: One large buttery popcorn please! Him: Ma'am you have to buy a ticket to get into the movies... Me: One large buttery popcorn TO GO SIR"

"Reddit, what is your best one-two line joke? I heard one recently, what do you get when you put TNT in a bra? Tit bits."

"What happened when Hitler lost his glasses? He could Nazi."

"There's no way Kat Von D knows when she's done showering."

"U-HAUL, may I help you? ""You have any moving boxes?"" No all our boxes stay still ""Well you better go- wait what?"" Stop calling here, Dad"

"My friend was doing impersonations of The A-Team. I told him they were amazing. You should have seen his Face..."

"captain: a lot of rumors floating around saying I sunk the ship sailor: [clinging to a piece of the hull] please stop calling us rumors sir"