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Joke of the Day

"Parenting 101 1. Pour milk on floor. 2. Ask which kid did it. 3. Send them to their rooms when they don't admit it. 4. Enjoy peaceful evening."

"So I met a girl named Tennessee I said to her, ""You're a ten, I see!"" And that's how I blew it with the hottest girl in the world."

"Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and left leg in a terrible car accident? He's all right now."

"What's a zergling's favourite newspaper? The Guardian."

"Do you want to speak to the manager or someone who know's what's going on?"

"Why couldn't the man open a fish and herb shop? Because he didn't have the thyme or the plaice."

"A coworker and myself had a competition to see who was more sensitive I was pretty sad I came in second place."

"Why was Six afraid of Seven? Because Seven is a convicted felon and it is clear that prison life wasn't easy on him. It doesn't help that Six is, naturally, a little timid."

"Did you know that if you drive past the first drive thru window your food is free?"

"[In bed with gf] ""Do you have any fantasies?"" Yeah, one. You know your friend Sarah, the hot one? ""Yes.. why?"" I want to hit her with my car"