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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a vibrating cat? An ocellate."

"Microsoft should try making an optimistic and articulate robot that adjusts its responses based on interactions with the public. They could call it Marco Rubio."

"Going to meet my daughter's kindergarten teacher tonight. Her name is Miss Cox. Not sure I'm mature enough for this situation."

"Just vacuumed for the first time in a really long time and apparently I have hardwood floors?"

"[England 1320] ""Dearest fair lady, thou art the finest in the land. Allow me to gaze upon thee soon. My love grows."" *waits 6 months* ""K"""

"I've been training my facial muscles to do the nose twitch from Bewitched, and just had a huge breakthrough with the right nostril. Big day."

"""Hey, enough with the damn songs! We're all studying for finals."" -rest of the school on Glee"

"Minecraft releases a new movie Critics say its a block buster!"

"OMG I love you You're the best You left me Did you bring me stuff OMG Anything I don't care Where have you been I smell someone else -Dogs"

"I hate when people people ask me what I'm doing in 5 years I mean like, come on guys I don't have 20/20 vision."