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Joke of the Day

"Parents, talk to your kids about grammar. Forget drugs and sex, they'll learn that shit on the streets."

"A group of Africans were playing Chinese whispers one goes to the other 'Ebola, pass it on'"

"So annoying how every time I go to sleep, my wife starts whispering into my ear ""Go towards the light."""

"Cop: do u have anything illegal in the vehicle Me: *thinks about all the drugs in the car* no Cop: why did you just say asterisk thinks abo"

"""Please punch in your account number, phone number and the last four digits of your social security, so I can transfer you so they can ask you for those same numbers again!"""

"Why isn't Helen Keller a good driver? Because she's dead."

"If men call short women ""petite"", what do women call short men? ""friends"""

"Stopped shaving for November, at first I hated the mustache, but what can I say? It's grown on me."

"What is the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a handsomely dressed man on a unicycle? Attire"

"Leaving a watermelon on someone's doorstep in the middle of night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind forever."