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Joke of the Day

"Me: Do you want to be the big spoon or the little spoon? Coach: Me: Coach: Me: Oh. You said HUDDLE up, didn't you?"

"There really isn't a good way to tell your boss you hate him and want him eaten by hyenas."

"What's long, hard, and makes my ass hurt? The forty mile bike ride I finished."

"What sounds does a vicar's gun make? Pew! Pew!"

"Why was Sir Lancelot too tired to jump over the moat? He didn't get a good knight's leap. Wakka wakka!"

"The first messenger to say ""Don't kill the messenger"" definitely got killed in the face."

"Five years in, my marriage is like Girls Gone Wild: after a few drinks the cracks start to appear."

"Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? A: 45 lbs. Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? A: 45 minutes."

"Isn't Twitter basically all NSFW since we all tweet while we're at work & hit the 'Close Tab' button like a ninja when the boss walks by?"

"Just finished the 5th book... In the 'Learning to count' trilogy"