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Joke of the Day

"What did the popular astrophysicist's father say to him after his cleat came undone at soccer practice? ""Kneel in the grass and tie, son."""

"I had an epiphany, every sentence is an innuendo, if I think long and hard about it."

"Why is it difficult to make fun of the Large Hadron Collider? Because it's hard to discern."

"How many political idealists does it take to change a light bulb? None, political idealists can't change anything."

"The fastest way to get to the front of the line at Starbucks is just to tell everyone you saw Adele outside."

"Umm..I don't want to be ""that inmate,"" but could you tell the chef that this needs more salt."

"""When someone is mad at you, that's THEIR problem"" and other advice from my upcoming book, Where Did All My Friends Go'"

"if you are getting circumcised you have to throw the foreskin in the garbage immediately otherwise seagulls will come and try to take it"

"why aren't there any good jokes about the dark side? i dunno but there's a darth of them"

"A woman, a murderer, a liar, a thief, and a cuckold walk into a bar The bartender asks: ""What will it be, Mrs. Clinton?"""