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Joke of the Day

"A woman, a murderer, a liar, a thief, and a cuckold walk into a bar The bartender asks: ""What will it be, Mrs. Clinton?"""

"I'll take Manly Men for $500, Alex. ""Answer. These booklets of pages are a pointless waste of time."" What are instructions? ""Correct."""

"A baby was born laughing really hard with it's fists closed! The confused Doctor unfolded it's tiny fingers, & found a birth control pill."

"I'm at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon. -Emo Philips"

"A good friend will delete your browser history for you, but a best friend will make your chalk lines smaller"

"On Thanksgiving, in Soviet Russia... Turkey shoot you!"

"I have an outstanding warrant for loitering. *I don't know why my brain thought this was the funniest joke to replay during my sleep this morning but it made me wake up giggling."

"Fucking customer keeps calling & asking for a quote even though I keep telling him I'm not an inspirational mother fucker."

"I don't believe death is the end. In my heart I know that, long after I'm gone, I will continue to receive Hot Summer Deal!!! emails."

"What should you do when you see a spaceman? Park in it, man."