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Joke of the Day
"I told the cop I was an upstanding citizen But I was really lying"
Next Joke
"I went to Alcoholics Anonymous last week. The first thing they told me to do was to stop hanging around other alcoholics. So I stopped going."
"Me and a buddy went to an amputee party It was crawling with pussy."
"HEY TWITTER IF I WANTED 10,000 CHARACTERS THAT I WASN'T INTERESTED IN I WOULD START WATCHING GAME OF THRONES"
"I was sitting on the toilet, constipated... The undropped turd asked me, ""Man, what did you eat?!"" ""A pound of cheese,"" I said. The turd said, ""You're shittin' me."" I said, ""I shit you not."""
"What's the most sensitive part on a female dinosaur? Her clitosaurus..."
"What happens when you retweet a compliment about how humble you are?"
"My husband got a new router and the wifi has been off for 5 whole minutes guess I'll go churn butter or something."
"Hey, you have something in your teeth! Person B: What? Person A: Plaque."
"""Here's what I would do..."" - me, giving bad advice"