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Joke of the Day

"Oh sweet embrace of morning, envelope me in your welcoming arms & brightly shine on this glorious GODDAMMIT! WHO DIDN'T FLUSH THE TOILET?!"

"Do her by the ocean. Beaches love crabs."

"[magic school bus] KID: where are we going today MS. FRIZZLE: the zoo KID: but last week we went to SPACE MS. FRIZZLE: im hungover, children"

"How do you figure out that your girlfriend is getting too fat? She starts fitting into your wife's clothes."

"In the Walking Dead how and when does the cop guy find time to clean, iron, and press his uniform during the zombie apocalypse?"

"Last night, a two-seat, single engine plane crashed in a Polish cemetery. Polish authorities report that they have recovered five hundred bodies so far and believe thousands more may still be found."

"On the way in a fox ran across the road ahead of me...I slowed down pretty quick cuz i knew a bunch of English dudes on horses were next..."

"I'm really good at not paying my bills. They all say ""OUTSTANDING!"""

"What do German women's lingerie and Africa have in common? Ze-bras!"

"How Can You Tell It's Fall In Florida? When the color of the license plates start to change."