123015

Joke of the Day

"My husband got a new router and the wifi has been off for 5 whole minutes guess I'll go churn butter or something."

"Did anyone hear about the new North Korean dance? Its called the Kim Jong un-ce unce unce unce unce"

"Did you hear about the two guys that stole a calendar? They each got six months"

"Why is the tailor's daughter such a slut? She gives great hem jobs."

"Each of my 4 children has made me a better parent. So I figure I only need 34 more kids to be a pretty decent guy."

"*seductively slides hand along store shelf to distract you* *grabs last bag of Cheetos* *tucks, rolls, and runs away*"

"Historically speaking, tanning under the sun first began in France during the bronzage."

"Why don't catholic priest believe in condoms? Because little boys can't get pregnant."

"[coming out of coma] Doc: You survived the heart attack Me: I'm going to eat right & get fit D: *shows me hospital bill* M: *pulls plug*"

"Video games don't cause violence, they PREVENT it. Whenever I see a turtle now, I chuck it off the nearest cliff where it can't hurt anyone."