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Joke of the Day

"Guys who try to pick up women on Twitter are a bit sad... Ladies, if you agree, DM me your number so we can talk about it..."

"how do you get a 100 cows into a barn? put up a Bingo sign!"

"What do Mexicans put under their carpet? UNDERLAY! UNDERLAY!"

"What did they call Postman Pat after he retired? Pat"

"...People put the punch line in the title Don't you hate it when..."

"Hey man, 1980 called. It wants its--oh, can you hold on? I've got 1945 on the other line, and he's conferencing in 1973 so I should get this"

"Where do you find a dog with no arms or legs? Right where ya left him."

"You don't have to like me. I'm not a Facebook status.."

"I went SCUBA-diving and my equipment malfunctioned. I was so mad... ... it literally made my blood boil."

"Can we please stop referring to them as ""dick pics."" I think ""penis portraits"" has a classy je ne sais quoi appeal."