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Joke of the Day

"What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back. "

"What's worse than waking up at a party with a penis drawn on your face? Finding out it was traced."

"When ur at chipotle n u ask for guac and they say ""its extra is that ok?"" if u say its not ok they give it to u for free"

"I'm training to be a sniper in the Communist Revolutionary Forces... ... I'll be the designated Marxman!"

"Since I've been on my own, I no longer trust a whole gallon of milk... The problem is every time I bring it into my house, it doesn't get drunk. It gets wasted."

"Today I will be communicating exclusively through farts and meows"

"Don't think of me as 40. Think of me as two 20 yr olds."

"You know you have no attention span when you require a mental break while typing 140 characters."

"I didn't wear earrings for a long time and the holes closed, now I'm worried about my vagina."

"What do you call a Jewish rock band? I want my nickelback"