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Joke of the Day

"Wanna hear a good joke? Woman's rights"

"I like that all the Ikea instructions illustrations always assume I have a friend."

"Spell check changed ""important"" to ""impotent"" so basically I have a meeting in the morning that can't get it up."

"Just realized that I'm technically a vegan for the hours between dinner & breakfast. No wonder I feel so fucking superior all the time"

"Breaking up with Japanese Girl Was Hard... I recently had to break up with my girlfriend who was Japanese and it was hard, I had to drop the bomb twice before she got the message."

"I killed a girl who posted too many selfies.I think i can claim selfie-defence."

"Whats grosser then gross? Shoving 12 oysters up your grandmothers vagina and sucking out 13."

"The Boy Scouts came up with the strongest knot in the world... You just leave a pair of earbuds in your pocket while you're hiking."

"What should you do if you find a 500-pound dog asleep on your bed? Sleep on the sofa."

"My wife's hot best friend just sent me an email with the subject line: ""Date Night."" I'm just going to stop there and imagine the rest."