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Joke of the Day

"My boss was honest with me today as we walked into a bar He's an alcoholic and it's destroying his family."

"Butterflies are like regular flies, but they live at Paula Deen's house."

"*gets out of bed* *steps on something* me: Ugh *turns light on* wife: What is it? me: The cat caught another smart car"

"ME: Why are you leaving? WIFE: I have hated every stupid pun of yours since we left Manhasset 20 years ago ME: Manhasset been that long?"

"[after tee ball game] Wife: we brought snacks for the kids. Me: [w/ mouthful of food] we did?!"

"So there's two astronauts on a rocket... One says to the other, ""Get Ready, it's almost time for launch."" To which the other says ""Launch?! I haven't even had breakfast yet!"""

"Han Solo had a much cooler older brother called Drum"

"If you think Lord of the Flies couldn't happen, you've clearly never seen a group of 7 year olds go after a pinata."

"What's a bees favourite flower ? A bee-gonias !"

"What does Joe Pesci order at Burger King? An angry wopper."