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Joke of the Day

"[after tee ball game] Wife: we brought snacks for the kids. Me: [w/ mouthful of food] we did?!"

" Metric dollar."

"Where was the first chicken fried? In Greece."

"Long, satanic walks on the beach."

"I just quit my job crushing cans at the soft drink factory... It was just soda pressing."

"Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make... Then they don't call me at all."

"What do you call a snail on a ship? A snailor (My nephew is watching Spongebob please send help my brain cells are leaving one by one)"

"How about a baseball cap that says ""BALD"", so you can cover your gross bald head, but when you take it off no one is surprised/disappointed?"

"Why don't blind people skydive? Because it scares their dogs too much!"

"I used to do drugs... i still do, but i also used to."