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Joke of the Day

"How many policemen does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just beat the room for being black."

"Dad always said ""Time to hit the sack!"" before bed. Not sure how getting punched in the testicles helped him sleep, but that was just dad."

"What did the conductor do when half of the cello section called in sick a week before a major concert? He was forced to resort to excessive violins."

"When a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing... ...either the car is new or the wife is."

"Man at the bar... ""...Are you Jamaican? Because Jamaican me crazy! Woman responds: ""No, I'm Finnish. Finnished with this conversation!"""""

"I skipped 9 puns and killed the last one... That's a pun in ten dead."

"Why was the Moon in a bad mood? It was just going through one of its phases."

"The best way to run into that hot person you've been dying to talk to is to leave the house looking the worst you possibly can."

"Non-Americans won't get this. Obesity"

"Police: How did they break in? Me: I have a fake garden rock w/a key inside. Police: They found it? Me: They threw it through the window."