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Joke of the Day

"What did the conductor do when half of the cello section called in sick a week before a major concert? He was forced to resort to excessive violins."

"Just been sent to jail for the first time and spent the first half hour getting ass raped. My Uncle Frank takes Monopoly far too seriously"

"Why don't blind people skydive? It scares the shit out of the dog."

"I joked about a robot uprising until I waved at an automatic paper towel dispenser and nothing happened. THEY'RE EVOLVING INTO PRETTY GIRLS!"

"What Did H Say 2 O? Water you doing?"

"Life is like a box of chocolates... It's expensive, you don't like half of it, and sometimes you can give the whole thing to a woman and she still wont have sex with you."

"Rio declares state of emergency just before Olympics. That's like inviting people to your house for dinner but you have no food. Or house."

"A man walks into a bar... Then he said ouch."

"Reporter got asked about any survivors of a plane crash & said 'its up in the air'. Dude if it was up in the air we wouldn't be in this mess"

"What does a flamboyantly gay Gingerbread man do when he gets angry? He ginger-snaps. http://i49.tinypic.com/22gqk7.jpg"