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Joke of the Day

"Man at the bar... ""...Are you Jamaican? Because Jamaican me crazy! Woman responds: ""No, I'm Finnish. Finnished with this conversation!"""""

"You're not allowed to tweet screenshots of chats where you're the one who says the funny thing."

"Scientist: Finally, my modeling algorithm 'Predicting Cat Behavior' is complete! Cat: *walks across the keyboard, deleting the file*"

"When I was a kid, I liked to lay face down in the snow with a boner and make ""snow girlfriends."""

"What's the difference between a cat and a comma? A cat has claws at the end of its paws, while a comma is a pause at the end of a clause."

"My first time having sex was like my first time riding a bike My dad was holding me from behind ."

"Drinking makes some husbands see double and feel single."

"How do turtles communicate? With shell phones."

"I don't want to sound too impressive, but my Sims character gets laid PRETTY FREQUENTLY."

"Stood in very long line today at the DMV behind James Bond renewing his license to kill... shouldn't they have a separate line for that?"