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Joke of the Day

"I'm not an alcoholic I just have a lot of things to celebrate."

"What's better than roses on my piano? Tulips on my organ."

"The heart wants what it wants, y'know? On an unrelated topic, I'm not allowed in Petco anymore."

"Do you know why they put cotton balls in the top of prescription bottles? To remind black people that they picked cotton before they sold drugs."

"I sneezed while pissing and almost pissed everywhere I think I have PEE-T-S-D now :( That was scary"

"My Indian friend taught me an authentic Punjabi dance. I've got some real Sikh moves."

"Freddie Mercury: I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me Chorus of Dads: HI JUST A POOR BOY, I'M DAD! SPARE HIM HIS LIFE FROM THIS MONSTROSITY"

"My wife looked different today then it dawned on me. Her mouth was closed..."

"On April Fools Day a mother put a fire cracker under the pancakes. She blew her stack."

"I am in prison for something I didn't do I didn't pay my taxes"